Monthly Archives: February 2014

Babies Don’t Need Coaching (Nor Therapy)

We live in a very busy world. The hustle and bustle of life can be unnerving.

I had a potential client come in to discuss coaching a little while ago. He was in a constant state of anger and wanted life to shift away from the anger. Nothing traditional had worked to date.  Even though this client had a very successful business, an amazing family, traveled the world – happiness was nowhere to be found. We agreed to work together.

Part of my process is to have the client journal daily. Through this client’s journaling a pattern emerged. (In my experience, usually a few incidents from childhood occur and out of the story each person creates from those incidents, a repeating pattern occurs in their life.) This client was no different.

When this pattern emerges through their writing, we begin to see the old battle wound. Through the work I do with awareness and the impact, the wound can be healed.  Once this wound is healed, the experience of life is shifted.  Their life returns to a space of joy and love.  Yes, life still comes at them, but they now have awareness of how the mind works.  They understand.  Having them understand their created stories and how to shift them, even in the face of life.

In one of our more interesting sessions I asked – Why don’t babies need therapy?  “That is the silliest question I have ever heard” the client snapped back.  Then a smile emerged.   The client understood .

A baby’s mind is clear.  It has yet to be filled with the thoughts and emotions of life.   The wounds have not been inflicted yet.  As such, a baby expresses everything that is there, and once expressed the baby moves on to another thought.  They are present.

Babies don’t need therapy because they are pure love, simply pure potential.  As the center of the Universe, they just get to be love.

And as I worked with the client, we began to see glimmers of this love.  As the drama and trauma of life cleared, the client was able to return to the original state – love.

And from a place of love – the experience of life shifted.  And for the first time, the client was able to really enjoy life.  The next vacation taken was fully enjoyed as a family.

I am a coach – trained and certified in what I do.  My mastery is in thought awareness and human potential.  My greatest joy is working with people such that their experience of life shifts. Their life is still filled with ‘life,’ yet who they are in that life has shifted.

This week, become aware of your thoughts.  Just ‘see’ them. Notice which thoughts you give power to.  Write the thought down.  Ponder why you give this thought your power.

And create an incredible week.

Contributed by Executive, Life and Spirituality Coach, Jim Pehkonen

Do not kill yourself over a deadline. Unlike actual death, it can be rescheduled.

Scheduling unrealistic deadlines leads to disappointment, and disappointment can cause you to give up or miss opportunities. When you’re overwhelmed, self doubt can undermine you.

Use your time wisely. Set up a system that works for you so that you don’t constantly feel bad that you didn’t accomplish your goal. Making progress will fuel your passion and turn you on to more opportunities.

Unrealistic deadlines do not allow you to build confidence. Setting attainable goals helps you to gain confidence each time you accomplish one of your goals. With your newfound confidence you can set and achieve more difficult goals. Conversely, if you repeatedly miss deadlines you will lose confidence and begin to doubt yourself.

If you’re beginning to have self doubt about your ability to get things done, maybe it’s because you think, “It’s easier to do it myself.” Only you have what it takes to get things done, but you don’t have the time, so nothing gets done.

That’s a poor strategy for success, so get help. Identify the resources and opportunities available and use them. The single most powerful thing you can do to make your dream come true is share your dream with someone who is on your side.

Hiring a life coach can also help you to achieve your goals. A life coach can work with you to assess your current lifestyle and make suggestions for changes that could help you achieve your goals. A life coach can work with you to formulate a strategy for achieving your goals.

Self help: helping yourself to success rather than helping yourself to seconds

If you believe it’s possible to make your dreams come true, but don’t act on it, there’s a gap between where you are and where you want to be.

That gap is comprised of your attitudes and beliefs. The bigger the negative beliefs, the wider the gap. Perhaps the voice of your doubter has gotten louder than the voice of your dreamer.

Attitudes and beliefs are never neutral. They either move you forward or hold you back. If your dream is to lose weight but you believe it’s too hard of an undertaking and you’ll almost certainly fail, then you’ll probably never even attempt it.

But the same dream with a belief such as “I can do this” or “I believe in my dream,” will take you to thoughts and feelings of excitement and hope, and ultimately to the choice to go for it.

There’s a different kind of energy, and much more joy, when you are moving toward your dreams than when you are mired in reality or just trying to fix something. So rather than saying “I don’t want to be overweight” tell yourself “I want to be healthy.” That subtle shift can be the difference between success and failure.

Reality does have a place in self help though. Reality can keep you from setting unattainable goals.

When reality seeps into your thoughts and prevents you from setting lofty goals that aren’t possible at the moment, it keeps you from failing and becoming depressed by your failures. For example, saying you’re going to lose 75 pounds sounds impossible. But saying you’re going to lose 5 lbs this month? And 5 lbs next month? Totally doable.

So in this sense reality steers you to set short-term attainable goals, allowing you to enjoy the confidence that comes with reaching these realistic goals and encourage you to go for the bigger ones.

Stop Procrastinating, Start Proactivating (not a real word, but it should be)

Procrastination is the avoidance of doing a task which needs to be done. This can lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacy, depression and self-doubt. Procrastination has a high potential for painful consequences. It interferes with personal success.

However, there are two types of procrastinators – the relaxed, fun-loving kind and the tense-worried ones.

Those who are relaxed while procrastinating only hurt themselves by not accomplishing the things that they need to do and hinder their own success. Those who are tense when they procrastinate not only hinder their success but also their health.

The only way to beat your old procrastination habits is by being proactive. Follow these tips to get you on the right path.

Modify Your Environment

Procrastinators may daydream and have difficulty concentrating. Procrastinators may also be unorganized and distracted by their environment. Those who procrastinate may have a cluttered desk and waste time running back and forth for equipment and supplies. Procrastination often results in frustration and anxiety.

For more success, modify your environment: Eliminate or minimize noise and distraction. Ensure adequate lighting. Have necessary equipment at hand.

Time Management

Procrastination means there’s uncertainty about priorities, goals and objectives. A procrastinator is not adept at time management and may be overwhelmed by the task. Many procrastinators put off assignments to spend a great deal of time with friends and involved in social activities.

Procrastinators worry about a project instead of completing it. To motivate yourself, dwell on your successes, not your failures. Break large projects into small tasks. Keep a reminder schedule and a checklist.

Procrastinating can have a snowball effect on your goals. Failure to meet deadlines can delay your future. Simple as that.

Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day!

If you are one of the many people who love Valentine’s day, turn away now. This post is for the haters.

Hey haters.

How’s it going?

Whether you hate Valentine’s day because you’re single and feel like all the happy couples are rubbing their happiness in your face today, or because you’re in a relationship and feel pressure to make today live up to the impossible standards of your significant other, the emotion is the same. Today stresses you out.

You have probably uttered the words, “it’s just a Hallmark holiday” more than once in the last week or so and you’re probably just looking forward to tomorrow.

But what is it about Valentine’s day that stirs up so much negative emotion? It’s supposed to be the celebration of love- what could be more positive than that?

Well, yes love is positive, but it’s also powerful. It’s kinda like the Ring in ‘Lord of the Rings’- those who don’t have it, want it. And those who have it, don’t always know what to do with it.

Instead of making everyone feel special, Valentine’s Day can bring out a sense of competitiveness and jealousy. It starts in elementary school when valentines are distributed to classmates- people feel bad when their friend gets more than they do. It continues through high school when popularity is everything, and into adulthood when most people tend to be married or in long-term relationships. Whether you’re single, or in an unhappy relationship, Valentine’s day can make you feel stigmatized. It always seems like everybody else is more loved, better off and happier than you. And you feel pathetic in comparison.

So, how do you fix that? Well, the secret to feeling loved is to stop caring.

Yep.

Stop caring what other people think so much… because honestly, most people are too busy worrying about what other people think of them to spend time judging you. Think about that for a minute.

With all that freedom from caring what other people think, just think of everything you’ll now have time to focus on! Focus on what makes you happy, focus on making other people happy, and focus on being happy for other people.

It’s amazing how much love you’ll start to feel when you just stop caring.

 

Your official motivation invitation: Dear you, your life is waiting! RSVP ASAP

How can you motivate yourself to achieve your dream? Well, you’re not going to live forever. That’s motivation!

If you had eternity to accomplish your goals, you wouldn’t feel the need to push yourself, to chase your dreams. So consider your impending doom a gift, and seize the day.

The majority of people with goals don’t apply the action needed to bring them to fruition. Their ambitions and hopes stay locked up in their minds, like Rapunzel in her tower, waiting for someone to let them out.

Be your own knight in shining armor. Let your ambitions out.

Setting goals can inspire motivation. Once you actually set a goal, you’ll feel an immediate obligation to achieve that goal. This motivation pushes you to succeed.

Still feel stuck?

Daily words of encouragement will help. Whether you’re reading motivational quotes, inspirational stories, or just getting motivational sayings from loved ones, a little encouragement can change the way you look at life.

Some people also benefit from mentors as a motivational resource. A mentor teaches you the ropes of a given career or even a way of life. Mentors provide advice, information, encouragement and above all accountability.

If you won’t be accountable to yourself, get a mentor.

The Power of Pain and Addiction

By the time you read this, Philip Seymour Hoffman will be buried, yet not forgotten. He was a brilliant actor who lived his passion by playing complex characters in exceptional, brilliant ways… and unfortunately died of a drug overdose. He joins Heath Ledger, Chris Farley, John Belushi and a long list of people who are loved and beloved, yet are internally in so much pain and suffering that the only answer is drugs, and the demon of addiction.

At the core of addiction are thoughts – thoughts with emotions that we interpret to mean something. Out of the meaning we make, we develop coping strategies to numb the pain, to seek relief, to find quiet from the internal noise, and to momentarily escape the world we have created.

For the last four years I have been working in recovery centers, doing workshops to help people break their addiction to chemicals like heroin, cocaine, alcohol, and meth. I assist them in their journey to self-acceptance, self-love, and finding themselves as they emerge from the pain of addiction. To do that, they often have to face the “demon” and take their power back. I have sat in front of more than 5,000 people as they get clean and create meaning in life again. The space of healing created is unique and powerful.

According to one of the articles written about Philip Seymour Hoffman, 100 people die every day from drug overdose, and it takes the death of a public figure to shine the light on a dark problem in our society. Heroin may have been the vehicle by which he was dealing with his pain, but the core issue is what he empowered that lead him to drugs in the first place: thoughts.

So where is the solution? It is through healing. Those who are able to identify and heal the places in their mind where unhealthy thoughts are generated create the ability to step into the potential to live without drugs. When they become aware of the stories they have created and see the roots of their pain, their perspective shifts. They learn to powerfully develop mindsets and take the power back from the dark monsters in their head.

As they do this, they step back into their natural space of self-acceptance and self-love. Our experiences in life take us out of that state – and often into a dark space. This does not have to be the place anyone lives; it can be a space to visit. With some work (often hard work), you can return to your natural state: peace, love, and presence.

This week, become aware of where your pain lives: it lives in thought. Just see it there. It sits right next to the joyful thoughts. Remember, you are always one thought away from well-being. The art is in the awareness; through this awareness, you can powerfully choose.

THANKS for who you are!

Contributed by Executive, Life and Spirituality Coach, Jim Pehkonen

Procrastination station- where the only thing running is you, from reality

Procrastination- in theory- is supposed to make our lives more pleasant. In reality it almost always adds stress, disorganization and failure. Procrastination is based on fears. In varying degrees, we are all afraid of facing reality: life’s challenges, the hard work and frustrations ahead of us.

Negative reinforcement plays a major role in procrastination and hinders success. Behaviors like watching TV and rationalizations or excuses enable the procrastinator to avoid unpleasant work. Procrastination is an escape.

Procrastination comes in all shapes and forms. The emotions behind procrastination can include:

Fear (perhaps of failure or success)

Panic (not understanding what needs to be done, or not believing in one’s ability to do it)

Anger (stemming from a lack of control and/or the desire to rebel against authority)

Boredom (general malaise and dislike of the work that needs to be done)

Depression (this can lead to an ever worsening cycle because we put things off when we feel depressed, and then the negative consequences of that decision depress us even more)

Pleasure Seeking (sometimes we simply prioritize play above work)

The procrastinator must correctly identify his forms of procrastination and find solutions for his specific emotional reactions in order to kick the habit.

Fear is a gift that indicates you are closer to your dream

Fear is a measurement tool. Fear means you’re leaving the old reality behind. Fear is a gift that indicates you are closer to your dream. Fear is a healthy, natural mechanism, a sign of vitality and that you are in process.

Unless you learn to use fear as empowerment, it can also stop your progress.

Don’t say, “I’m afraid.”

Be more specific. What exactly is scaring you? The more clarity you have, the easier it will be to get the support you need to move through your fear. Understanding your fears is the key to conquering them.

The number one way to sabotage your dream is by projecting your fears, doubts and concerns into it. Fear and doubt do not belong in your dream. Fear is part of your reality.

Deal with fear by clarifying it, designing a strategy for managing it and by asking for help and support.

Use these daily check-ins:

Are you more committed to your dream or to your reality?

Do you believe in your positive beliefs or your old limiting beliefs?

The answer is in the action you take. Every day do at least one thing to move your dream forward. Success is guaranteed!

For home improvement, think Home Depot. For self improvement, think deep-o

Attitudes and beliefs lead to thoughts and feelings, which lead to decisions and choices. If you want to become aware of your attitudes and beliefs, pay attention to what you’re thinking and feeling.

If your dream is to establish a new career, but your belief is that it’s not possible, what do you think and feel about that? Do you feel resigned to the idea that you’re stuck in your current job? Or, do you think you deserve to live your dream?

If it’s the latter then you will find a way to make it happen. This is an example of your attitudes and beliefs helping you to improve.

In a shaky economy you might dismiss your dream, thinking, “I don’t have the finances to handle it.” Frequently the very people who make decisions and choices based on their finances are the ones who can’t afford to stay where they are.

Economically, they would benefit from making a change. There are some dreams that do involve financial requirements but even these dreams can be realized by establishing a strategic plan to achieve your dream. You may not be able to buy your dream home today but you can certainly put a plan into action today that will help you to work towards achieving your dream in the future.

How do you use your beliefs and attitudes to achieve self improvement? Do your beliefs empower or impede you? Whose beliefs are you buying? What’s stopping you from going for your dreams? Anything and everything you want is just a belief away.