This tip brought to you by our Dad Guru John Valadez
on Jun 01, 2009
My father is also my stepdad. I have a unique perspective on this relationship – the one from a child’s point of view. The best tip I can offer is to look at this new situation as a permanent relationship; one that will take a lifetime to cultivate. Accept the terms and then walk down the path together, as a family. Everything doesn’t need to click right away. Someone once told me that, “life is a journey, not a destination.”
I found that in relationships those words have helped me more times than I can remember.
The old cliché, “I am not your father and I never will be him” is not a phrase I would recommend. Instead, try relating to this new person in your life. Try to put them at ease and let them know you are not going anywhere. Children need consistency - they crave it. Just the fact you are someone new in their life is scary enough; try seeing the situation from the childs' point of view, not only is your mom marrying someone else, this new person is now going to be part of our family. Depending on how long the child’s parent’s separation has been and how comfortable the child is with the situation effects your relationship as well.
Before taking the final step, speak with your new stepchildren and invite them into your life permanently.
That way everyone embarks on the new journey together.
