Barbara Gibson Expert Guru

Barbara is an advocate for survivors of domestic violence. In that capacity she provides support for families as they gather the personal and community resources needed to rebuild safe and stable lives. Gibson is also a long time freelance writer. She has written hundreds of articles on dozens of topics including human resources, insurance, conflict management, health, aging, parenting, self-help and wellness, budgeting, credit and life improvement practices. Expert topics include those related to parenting and personal/life improvement. In addition to articles, Barbara has also successfully written proposals, newsletters, book chapters, book reviews, quizzes and speeches. Gibson holds a B.A. in History and has completed coursework for a M.A. in Women’s Studies. Barbara currently serves as feature writer for Parenting Methods at Suite101.com and as Editor for the Living Simply channel with BellaOnline.com. She is also a contributor to the anthology, “Not What I Expected: The Unpredictable Road from Womanhood to Motherhood, ed. by Donya Currie Arias and Hildie S. Block. An avid reader with great respect for the written word, Barbara counts writing and reading among the pleasures of life for which she is most grateful.

Interview

Philosophy

Use this form to post feedback to this guru.

Channel Experience

 Family/Safety
 Money/Investing
 Small Biz/Home Biz
 Careers/Jobs
 Health/Wellness
 Education/Training
 Internet/Web
 Kids/Games
 Wheels/Auto
 Exercise/Fitness
 Manage/Employees
 Green/Living
 Relationship/Love
 Home/Garden
 Marketing/Promotion
 Hardware/Software
 Religion/Spirituality
 Travel/Cities
 Food/Drink
 Entertain/Events

Career Experience

 Copywriter
 Web Writer
 PR Writer
 Script Writer
 Speech Writer

Project Experience

 Articles
 Optimization
 White Papers
 Newsletters
 Direct Mail
 Press Releases
 Data Sheets
 Video Content
 Speeches

Industry Experience

 Search Marketing
 Money
 Non Profit
 Insurance
 Banking
 Software
 Educational

Most writers at LifeTips—or Gurus we call them—are available for writing assignments, special projects, or interviews with the press. Please describe exactly what you’re looking for, and an Agent will get back to you within hours.

Name: Phone: Email: Project Description:
	If you have difficulty identifying the words, click the button.

Why Consider When Refinancing?

Refinancing your mortgage loan can provide a valuable option for achieving long-term financial goals and for controlling interest related expenses. But this option is not wise for every homeowner. There are several reasons you might consider refinancing your existing mortgage loan. Following are some things to consider:


Significantly lower interest rates are now available to you. If you purchased your home when you had a few credit blemishes or market rates were high you may want to refinance when your credit improves or when the mortgage interest rates come down.

You may want to switch from a fixed rate mortgage to an adjustable rate mortgage; or vice versa. You can even switch from one adjustable rate mortgage (ARM) to another ARM with more attractive features.

Consider refinancing when the rate available to you* is at least 1.5 (ideally 2) percentage points lower than your current interest rate. Smaller differences yield significantly lower rates of saving in the long-term and may even cost you money when you consider loan rates together with the associated fees. *It is important to remember that even when the market yields lower interest rates that these rates may or may not be available to you depending upon your circumstances.

Consider refinancing if you have had a significant change in your financial circumstances. If you have more income, you may want to refinance for a shorter loan term. You will make larger payments and build equity more quickly. If you anticipate having less income you can refinance for a longer loan term and lower monthly payments.

Help Teens Manage Money

Teen spending tops out at more than $200 billion annually. They certainly don’t need any practice with spending, but they could use some practical advice on spending and saving.

We know teens are going to spend money, and lots of it. So how do we get them to spend responsibly and save a little money, too?


Help them grasp the whole picture.
No matter what it looks like, teens know that money doesn’t grow on trees. What they may not know is what it really costs to manage a household and raise a family. When teens have good information about how the family financial pie is actually divided they are better able to adopt realistic spending plans as well as more likely to get serious about savings plans.

Help them clarify short and long term financial goals.
Discuss anticipated expenses such as the first car, prom night attire and senior trips. Planning encourages your teen to assume some responsibility for these expenses. You can provide support by helping your teen develop a budget and monthly savings goals.

Help them distinguish between wants and needs.
It is difficult for many adults to resist purchasing things that seem “must have” in the moment. The pressure can be more intense for teens. Create opportunities that help your teen

• Learn to delay gratification
• Develop a sense of worth based on whom s/he is rather than what s/he has.

Enjoy Your Children More

Slow Down
Rushing back and forth to meetings, practices, play-dates and other activities can keep you away from places that build and strengthen your relationship (and enjoyment) of your child. What places?
• Your child's bedside where you can share a silly story at bedtime or listen to him share the best/worst parts of today or what she is looking forward to tomorrow; or even watch your child sleep and dream.
• The kitchen where you can prepare a meal or bake cupcakes together.
• The kitchen table where you can play a game or share a craft project.
• The garage where you can share the experience of building something together.
• The garden where you can plant and tend fruit, flowers or vegetables

Listen
It isn't just on television that kids say the darndest things. When we really listen to our kids we gear that they are funny, wise, insightful, compassionate, silly....what will you learn about your kid today?

Create Family Rituals and Traditions
Rituals and traditions help keep family relationships grounded; in fact, they are among the ties that bind. Sharing special times with loved ones creates warm feelings that we can rely on during the rock times. Traditions don't have to be all consuming. You can keep them simple and still have fun.
Some examples:
• Friday night pizza or fish-fry
• Nightly bedtime story
• Roasting marshmallows on the first cold night of the season
• Sledding or making snow angels after the first snowfall
• Sharing stories or verses from your book of faith
• Attending service at your place of worship
• Family meetings or family game night

Getting Through Testy Times with Teens

You may be wondering what happened to the pleasant, agreeable child that hung on your every word. How is that you've moved from being someone your child believed knew most everything to someone your child is sure knows nothing?

Fights about curfew, friends, grades, computer and telephone time, and chores are frustrating - yes; uncommon - no.

Here are a few tips to help you get through the testy teen years.

Listen with the intent to understand
Let your teen know that you heard, and even understood, even when the decision must remain the same. Show compassion and sympathy by using phrases such as: I know it’s tough.... I know you're disappointed, but; or even so and nevertheless, you can't use the car tonight.

Distinguish between privileges and rights.
Some of the rights teen can expect are warm shelter, clothing, love, food, educational opportunities and safety. Many of the other things they expect, such as designer clothing, telephones, computers, movie money, etc. are not rights - they are privileges. Sal Severe, author of, "How to Behave So Your Children Will Too, advises parents not to "give the ice cream away for free." When privileges are tied to appropriate behavior - kids have more motivation to behave appropriately.

Invest in your relationship with your teen.
Look for opportunities to spend meaningful time together, offer specific feedback and praise when your teen meets your behavioral expectations, let your teen know what you like about him/her, avoid down-talking, belittling or humiliating your teen. Teens have less motivation to behave in ways that please parents when the parent teen relationship is strained.

Finally, don't take it too personally. Although it may not look like it most of the time, your teen does love you - just as you love your teen.

Aging Well

How you feel, as well as how you feel about yourself, affects virtually every aspect of your life. Following are some important reminders for feeling your best and aging with grace.

Get adequate rest each evening.
The average adult needs seven to eight hours sleep each evening. Sleep is not a luxury, your body needs it. Sleep deprivation affects your ability to function optimally. If you are tired you are not feeling your best. Some people experience insomnia with aging.

If you are having trouble sleeping
1. Set a regular bedtime and bedtime routine
2. Avoid exercise and alcohol within three hours of bedtime
3. Avoid caffeine several hours before bedtime
4. Remove the television from the bedroom
5. Take a warm bath or shower
6. Set the thermostat around 65 degrees.
7. Avoid the news or other stressful programming at bedtime
8. Keep a journal to record and release worries
9. Experiment with what works best

Eat a balanced diet
Some dietary and caloric needs change with aging. For example, women need more calcium to ward off osteoporosis. The basics do not change with aging. You will still need to take in a variety of fruits and vegetables each day. Try to limit fats and processed foods. Enjoy junk food in moderation. Talk with your doctor about particular concerns, such as high blood pressure and diabetes as they relate to diet.


Maintain a positive attitude
Your attitude will shape your experience of aging. Feeling your best concerns not only your physical health, but also your emotional health. The accumulation of years can provide a broad and clear perspective from which to view your life. What have you accomplished that makes you proud? What are your goals? How have your experiences shaped the person you have become? What is important to you? Aging brings a clarity, confidence and self-possession that allows for honest reflection. Use this vantage point to plan and do the things that help you feel your best. Aging doesn’t mean you have it all figured out. It means you are still here and you still have time. Use it well.

Cultivating Leadership

It is important to understand that even the strongest leaders must depend upon team cooperation to accomplish company goals. You simply cannot do it all by yourself. Help your staff develop leadership skills that advance the team using the following strategies.

Understand the strengths of your team members (that includes your own strengths).
When cultivating leadership among team members it is important to create and place team members in positions where they have the skills to succeed.

Be willing to delegate.
It is unrealistic to expect that you can do well with every scenario you will face as a business manager. If you have another employee that is a financial wiz while you have trouble making sense of terms like depreciation or capital gains, why not delegate that responsibility?

Provide constructive feedback.
With time, feedback and appropriate supervision some employees may build skills that can really help your business grow. For example, an employee with an interest in web design may be encouraged to develop that interest, and eventually manage web design and maintenance for your business.

Avoid micromanaging
Again, you need not be involved in every detail of your business. When you have confidence in your employees and their ability to get the job done it is appropriate to step back, let them have the ball and run with it. Of course, you will want to check in with your employees during regular supervisory meetings, but on a daily basis giving them the space to do their jobs will yield professional growth that strengthens your team.

Discuss mistakes and problems constructively
When an employee makes a mistake or performs poorly it is important for you as the manager to take some lessons for yourself (were your directions clear, was the employee properly trained, were the appropriate resources and supports available, was the task at hand doable?) as well as help your employee reframe the experience as a learning opportunity (how might s/he handle the same task the next time, what did s/he need to be successful?).

How to Improve Your Credit Report

Have you been turned down for a loan? Rather than getting down on yourself, make a plan to improve your credit report and score. As you pay off and pay down debts, your credit report, and therefore your appeal to lenders, will improve.

Let’s start with the basics:
• Make a budget and pay your bills early (in the long run you will save money on interest and fees)
• Pay down debts (high debt to income ratios is cause for concern among lenders. If your debt load is high and you are robbing Peter to pay Paul –transferring balances/paying bills with credit cards – lenders will not look favorably upon your application)
• Stabilize (lenders tend to look more favorably upon applicants with long-term housing and employment situations)
• Handle current accounts well (increasingly, lenders view your credit report in search of signs of trouble. If found, they could cost you in the way of higher interest and fees) So…never bounce checks, pay late, pay less than the minimum or max out credit accounts
• Maintain accounts (if you can control your spending keep accounts open after the debt is paid. Available credit provides a more positive credit reference than exhausted or maxed out credit)
• Keep your head out of the sand (if you’ve had an emergency such as illness, unemployment, etc. you must communicate that to your lender. Often, they can work with you to make suitable arrangement. Ignoring the bill/call will not make it go away)
• Consider online banking (pay your bills with a click, no stamps or envelopes required)

Each of these steps will help you to build good credit references with time. Other things you can do include paying rent/mortgage and utility bills on time. Even if you have a number of negative credit references, you can take action today to offset them with good credit references. Each month that you pay your bills on time or pay down your debt you create a good credit reference, thus improving your score.

Keeping Kids Safe on the Internet

Just as with any other rules you establish to guide your children toward responsible adulthood, rules for the Internet should create a win-win scenario. Allow enough flexibility, when possible so that children can enjoy the privilege of Internet use with their own decision to make safe choices.

Win-Win suggestion #1
Allow your child access to family approved chat rooms rather than restricting access altogether.

When talking with children about Internet safety rather than restrict access to all chat rooms sit down together and discuss the chat rooms your child is interested in. Visit these rooms together to determine if they are appropriate.

Win-Win suggestion #2
Allow your child to build a website with your supervision and approval

Young people are becoming increasingly Internet savvy and a good many have their own web page. You have probably heard some of the very disturbing stories related to such pages posted with MyPage or FaceBook. Clip or download these stories as a discussion starter. Help your child understand what is and is not appropriate. Offer to work together with your child to build a site or require that your child let you see the site before it is posted (you should also be aware of all nicknames and passwords that your child uses). You may also want to check the site periodically.


Win-Win suggestion #3
Allow approved downloads

Some downloads can cause downright nasty viruses or other computer problems, so it’s understandable that you would want to be careful. Other downloads are absolutely appropriate and can be useful. Rather than restrict all downloads talk with your children about what is appropriate and have them check with you first. Always be sure that you have the most up to date virus protector and be sure to back up everything on your computer – just in case!

Managing Conflict at Work

Look for bridge builders – “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”

Be willing to acknowledge that there can be something valuable even in an opposing opinion. Approaching conflict with the intent to reach common ground, rather than be right or win over someone allows you to listen for a small point of agreement from which to build a bridge.

To do this:
• Listen for the motivation and the thoughts behind what you hear.
• Discuss your goals and desires for the outcome in this situation. Conflict is often neutralized with the realization that both parties want to get to the same place or to “point b.” If you can at least agree on where you are going, it becomes easier to negotiate the route.

But what if where you hope to end up lands you on opposite sides of the map? You can still look for bridge builders. For example, you both may be committed to a successful outcome for your project but cannot agree on the focus or the approach. Why not use your common commitment as a place from which to build? Try saying, “it is apparent that we are both committed to the project; I am confident that we will be able to work together on this.”

Understanding that you share a commitment to the project and expressing confidence that you will be able to work together toward its success is often enough to make a difficult person want to be more cooperative.

Preparing To Quit

When you are ready to quit, resolve to pay attention to your feelings and habits. Try to identify your triggers and make an alternate plan. You might begin by keeping a journal. In it you should record any events, circumstances and/or feelings you had immediately prior to lighting the cigarette. Use this information to support your ongoing commitment to becoming smoke-free and to set specific quit smoking goals. Following are some tips to consider:

• Be patient with yourself – smoking fills a physical and psychological need. It will take time to discard old habits and establish new ones that honor your goal of being smoke free.
• Understand that it is not simply a matter of willpower – more than making up your mind to quit, you may need to assemble a support team, purchase gum or patches, or chew on carrot sticks
• Exercise – smokers often fear the weight gain that can be associated with smoking cessation. You can plan for a different experience. In addition to the weight benefits, you may also derive the additional benefit of the dissonance created by the opposing activities. Said another way, it may be difficult to rationalize your smoking habit in the wake of your exercise habit.
• Write it down, make it happen – that is the title of a book I own, and its good advice. Have a clear idea of why you want to stop smoking and a plan (including get back on track plans for setbacks) for making your goal your reality.
• Pay attention – what you say to yourself about this process matters. Rather than listening to the little voice that says you will fail…again, recite a victory mantra.
• Adopt the one day at a time approach – Celebrate each minute that you choose to honor your goal (whether it’s stop completely or reduce your intake). Yesterday matters far less than today.

Any addiction is quite powerful. Cigarette smoking benefits from social acceptance in a way that many other addictions do not. This further contributes to the difficulty around quitting. Still, if you want to overcome your cigarette smoking addiction, you can. You will.